ORANGE — Bobbie Miller started her career more than a half-century ago, when bell bottoms were all the rage and Simon and Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water” topped the charts.
A lot has changed in the world since then, but some things haven’t: kids themselves, Miller said, and Miller’s unwavering dedication to helping them, her colleagues attest.
“Times and the world have changed, but kids remain the same. They face the same issues, the same problems,” Miller said.
A school counselor known as the “heart and soul” of Amity Middle School Orange, Miller is retiring in her 52nd year after a career that began in 1970 as a teacher at West Haven High School.
“Her impact on the community is immeasurable,” said longtime colleague Sarah Sharkey, a seventh-grade reading teacher at Amity Middle School. “Bobbie has a unique ability to understand middle school students and also to gain their trust as a confidant. Bobbie is truly the heart and soul of the building.”
Hailed as an “extraordinary” leader, mentor, counselor, colleague, advocate and friend, Miller graduated from West Haven High School in 1966 and became a history teacher there four years later. She was there for five years before a shift in the grade system sent her to that city’s Bailey Middle School for another six years.
Although she adored teaching, Miller realized after 11 years, “the most satisfaction I got was when students came to talk about family, friends.”
Miller went back to school and became a guidance counselor, now called a school counselor, and after working at a vocational school in New Haven for five years was hired at Amity 36 years ago.
She has counseled thousands, including generations of some families.
“It’s been a privilege to work with so many families. It’s been a passion, a life’s passion,” Miller said. “Sometimes there are challenging days, but I can honestly say from the beginning to now, I love my job. … I really don’t want to retire. I could keep on going.” She is retiring for personal reasons.
While some perceive that middle-school age to be most difficult, Miller is one of those who loves that challenging stage because, she said, it’s a pivotal time in development.
“I found I could have the most effect on them personally,” she said, as they still are forming values and, “they’re still able to do preventative work.”
Despite the changes in technology and society, the issues for the age group remain the same, she said: they’re searching for themselves, they are facing peer relationships, they’re developing values, undergoing personal growth.
And above all, developing coping skills to carry them through whatever challenges life brings.
“Developing coping skills was necessary in the ’70s and its necessary today. … Who would have thought with this pandemic it’s the coping skills that are the key,” Miller said. “The world has changed, but learning how to cope with the world hasn’t changed. Same process with different challenges.”
Parent Erika Higgins sang Miller’s praises for helping her son deal with difficulties transitioning from elementary school to seventh grade last year during the pandemic.
“She made a world of difference in his experience,” Higgins said. “She listens and has a caring way about her. She’s also a problem solver and takes initiative. ... She has been nothing but wonderful to myself and my son.”
Miller has an uncanny way of gaining the trust of students, parents and colleagues and it starts with this: “If someone wants to say something confidential, I say, ‘It’s in the vault,”’ Miller said, meaning locked up, never to be shared with another.
“A lot of trust comes from students and families knowing there’s no judgment. The more trust you have, the more work you can do with students. They listen if they trust you,” Miller said. “Once they know you, they come in and share on their own — that is the prize.”
It’s important to show respect for the kids, as well, she said.
“Trust and respect go hand in hand,” she said.
Miller said one has to “prove yourself” to gain trust, and colleagues said she does that time and again.
“For me the biggest honor for me is to have someone’s trust,” Miller said.
Longtime Amity Middle School Orange colleague Jennifer Bshara, a reading consultant, said parents and colleagues could go to “the vault” — Miller’s office — as well. What was said there, stayed there.
“Her counseling was so far reaching. She was always willing to lend an ear. We all knew we could go to the vault,” Bshara said. Miller’s retirement is “a loss.”
She said while Miller is “sensitive and compassionate,” she also has an “unparalleled sense of humor” and can be a prankster.
Amity Middle School Orange Principal Kathy Burke said that while she was happy that Miller will have more time with her family, her retirement will leave a “huge void.”
“Bobbie’s ability to build strong, trusting relationships with students, parents and colleagues have contributed to her success as a school counselor,” Burke said. “She has been an invaluable resource helping countless students and families navigate middle school.”
Miller said being a teacher in those early years helped her as a counselor “because I can see all sides” of the classroom “dynamic.”
Miller said when she came to work at Amity 36 years ago, she thought, “Maybe I’ll work 15 more years.” But after those 15 years she kept saying, “I’ll keep working one more year because I love it.”
Miller’s last day of school was Thursday and there were lots of tears in the days leading up to it.
“From the bottom of my heart I know that our building will never face a greater loss,” Sharkey said.
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